This past weekend, my husband-to-be G. and I were at a wedding (shout out to Kaysee and Fraser! Your wedding was so much fun and you guys looked so happy. Congrats again!) and we got to talking about how so many people in our generation (the under 35s) don’t seem to know anything about wedding etiquette. But the thing is, it’s not our fault. Unless etiquette is something you take an interest in and learn about on your own, how would you know how to fill out a wedding reply card (wedding guests, I’m talking to you), how much you should spend on a wedding gift, or what’s appropriate to wear? Never fear, Full of Chic is here!
There is so much I could say about wedding etiquette in general, so today I’ll just focus on wedding gift etiquette. While registering is a common practice, I’m very on the fence about it. Let’s be realistic here–most people want cold hard cash, but it’s very tacky to come out and simply ask for cash. So we register for stuff. We tell people what to buy us. I understand the practicality of the registry–after all, we don’t want to end up with 6 toasters. Plus, people like to feel like they’re helping you by giving you something useful, something you need.
But it also seems a little crass to spell out exactly what you want. A registry is more than just a simple, generic list of household items we need–towels, sheets, dishes, DVD player, etc. When someone buys you something off of your registry, you know exactly how much they spent on your wedding gift, and there’s something sort of gauche about knowing how much someone spent. Cash is cash, and everyone appreciates cash.
But, as crass as registries can be, and even if you just want cash, there’s pressure to register–trust me, I went from the girl barely able to find a dozen things to the girl with everything on her registry, even though I do feel a little strange about it. People want to be sure they’re getting you the right thing. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that it’s more work for the bride and groom (who are already busier than they ever thought they’d be) and less work for the guests to pick out a thoughtful, meaningful gift.
So if you do register, make sure you register for gifts in all price points (under $50, under $100, under $200) to accommodate all budgets. A friend of mine once attended a wedding, and nearly everything on the registry was at least $150. As a student, she found that a pretty tight squeeze, and ended up going in on a gift with someone to save money. So please, be reasonable when registering.
And when you, as a guest, decide to purchase something off of the registry, make sure you’re purchasing the exact item. Years ago, I used to work at Sears in the housewares department, and often people would come in and need help finding an item off of a couple’s registry. More than once, I’d show the gift the couple wanted to the customer, and the customer (almost unfailingly an elderly lady) would purse her lips, shake her head and say “Well, I don’t like that coffee maker. Isn’t that an ugly one? Why does she want that one? I’ll get her this one instead.” Now the bride, who is really busy (did I mention that already?) has to take the gift back and exchange it for the one she wanted in the first place. And really, this is just another headache caused by the registry (and occasionally tacthole old biddies).
So how much should you spend? This is a tricky one. I would say spend generously, but within what you can afford, and based on how close you are to the couple. You’re not obligated to spend more if the wedding is extra-fancy. Spend what you’re comfortable spending, but don’t be an obvious cheapskate either. For example, don’t roll up to the wedding in your brand new BMW and give the bride and groom a $50 gift card for The Keg (true story).
And when should you actually give the gift? Traditional etiquette dictates that you have up to a year to send a gift after the wedding, and that at the wedding, you can simply give a card that conveys your best wishes and the sentiment that a gift will follow. I call bullshit on this one. You wouldn’t be pleased to show up to the reception and instead of a plate, get a little card that says “wine and steak will follow at a later date, but we really appreciate you coming.” You’re going to a wedding, you’re eating, drinking, enjoying the dance–you should bring a gift with you, or if your gift is large and unwieldy, arrange to have it delivered to the couple before the wedding. One year, my ass. Not in this day in age of internet shopping and overnight delivery.
Do you have any wedding gift stories? I’d love to hear them in the comments.
T.
PS–I saw not one, not two, but three different girls all wearing leggings as pants today. Which leads me to the only logical conclusion: there are not enough people reading my blog. So please, spread the word! 🙂
Tags: manners, weddings
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